Here’s some really appreciated Beta Reader Comments and Suggestions from Roger Gilmartin on a posted MILK RUN chapter (#26- Escape). Thanks Roger for your support, critique and encouragement and volunteering to be a MILK RUN Beta Reader! Roger can be reached here or at rogerthatediting.com.
Good chapter, although with [Captain Toby Louis’] dialogue, you’d never know he was missing an arm. He sounds too casual. Interesting twist with [Commander John Emerson] getting bitten by the [Telrachnid] bugs. How will he handle it? I’m assuming he’ll need to be quarantined back on the USS Princeton.
It appears SpaceComm is turning the tide of the war, having captured Smriti and acquired the D-jump device. If they [Toby, Emerson and their team on board the enemy Telrachnid gunship] have so little air left in their suits, and there are no escape pods, I’m wondering how Toby and Emerson can survive the trip back to the USS Princeton.
I’d prefer leaving out references to [Toby’s ex-fiancée] Smriti’s sexuality. She and Toby broke up a while ago, so I don’t see the value in these references, especially when Smriti and Toby aren’t exactly friends at this point. Assuming they make it back to the USS Princeton safely, I’m curious to see if Toby can stay in command in view of his injury. And can Emerson recover from his bug bites? Will someone else need to temporarily take command of the ship?
*****Character arcs of the last few chapters******
Toby seems more confident with his command. He seems, though, to [still] carry a torch for Smriti romantically, and I don’t feel this adds to the story. The frostiness in his relationship with Emerson seems to have disappeared, and they’re working together well for a common goal.
Emerson is still his crusty self for the most part, but his attitude has softened a bit since he and Toby got back on the same page. I think he still resents Toby being in command but has accepted it and is trying to be supportive. He’s still very suspicious of Smriti, which is understandable.
I haven’t detected any specific development in Smriti, but she’s still under the influence of the Telrachnids.
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