Got lots of good feedback from my military SciFi novel MILK RUN beta readers on the idea to change the 17th scene (Standoff!). The change happens when our hero, Captain Toby Louis is relieved of command on the destroyer class spaceship, USS Princeton, by his second in command, Commander John Emerson. Some might call it mutiny. Others might call it saving the ship, its crew and mission. (Hey! That sounds like a nice tag line, eh?) But what’s crazy is that this all happens right in the middle of a battle with a Telrachnid gunship bent on preventing the USS Princeton from completing its mission of delivering the “crowbar” to Starbase 21.
Earth is losing the war against the Telrachnids, and our young captain is charged with delivering a new weapon to a secret star base. But what our hero thought would be an easy first mission turns out to be a test of his ability to lead a crew and ship much older than he against an enemy that is using his own fiancée to destroy him, his ship and his mission.
The original version of “Standoff” ended with Captain Toby Louis overcoming a takeover effort by his commander, John Emerson. But I wanted to make this scene darker, deeper and downright gloomy. You can read the updated scene 17 (ver.5 – Standoff!) by clicking here.
Initial feedback comments for scene 17 v5 include “I liked this version better. The pacing was better and the action flowed very well,” and “the alternate version change is definitely the better choice, It has action, tension, and drama, with the friction between Toby and Emerson coming to a head,” and “I’m really curious to find out what happens next.”
I got an interesting observation from one beta reader who said “the story is reminding me of the CAINE MUTINY.” While another said the story in general is like “that old WWII naval battle movie RUN SILENT RUN DEEP.”
Wow! Those are the exact stories that inspired me to write MILK RUN, especially RUN SILENT RUN DEEP which reflects a captain’s obsession to defeat a submarine that uses the dimension of ocean depth to escape from then hunt its prey. Same thing is going on in MILK RUN with the Telrachnid’s use of a fourth dimension of space to evade then attack the USS Princeton.
Now, I’m on to creating the “story beats” for a brand-new chapter/scene, called “The Brig” that follows scene 17 ver. 5 (Standoff!). This new chapter explores what happens to Toby while in the brig. Right now, these beats are simple one- or two-line sentences that describe what will be written. It’s a really quick read and you can see these beats by clicking here.
As always, thanks to the beta readers and I’m always on the lookout for more MILK RUN beta readers. You can easily join our merry crew by clicking this StoryOrigin link here. You will then be able to read and comment on all 17 (going on 18) chapters that I have posted to date.
Meanwhile, here’s another recommendation for more space SciFi action!
After countless years of preparation Mission Terra Firme One is finally ready to commence and give Earth the answers it has long waited for, about the planet Neighbor. But exploring it might open the gates for a flood that threatens to drown everything.
Click the image and check it out!
And don’t forget that you can signup (click here) to be a MILK RUN beta reader and influence this story’s progress and actions. Thanks!