Got A New Story Hook!

Work continues on MILK RUN now that the plot hole has been repaired.   Also, I received some valuable feedback and much needed encouragement from my Beta Readers on the improvements.    Thanks Guys!

Your comments and recommendations are helping me make this story better as I near the completion of this military SciFi that’s bordering on about 51,000 words.    I’m sure that the count will change once completed and the writing process moves on through the dreaded editing phase.   

Speaking of editing, I’ve modified the story’s “hook” to show what this space battle is all about.    Tell me what you think.

My New Hook!

Earth is losing the war against the Telrachnids, and Toby Nathanael Louis has just graduated from SpaceComm leadership school.  His first mission as captain of the USS Princeton is to deliver a new weapon to a secret star base far from the battle front.

But what our hero thought would be an easy first mission turns out to be a test of his ability to lead a crew and ship much older than he* against an enemy that is using his own fiancée to destroy him, his ship and his mission.

Can our young captain complete his mission and save his fiancée too?

* OK you editors out there . . . is it he or him “against an enemy that is using his own fiancée to…”

Thanks for your input!

As always, I’m looking for more MILK RUN beta readers.  There’s plenty to review at over 30 chapter/scenes posted at my StoryOrigin site.  Want to become a Beta Reader?  Click here then click the big blue “Request Beta Copy” button. 

Meanwhile Click This Book Image and check out
Charity Bradford’s SciFi Space Adventure Series
Rebel Prince

Amiran wants to forget he’s the Hatana’s son. Unfortunately, his father’s fleet is heading for Manawa. There’s nothing the galactic tyrant needs from the scholarly planet and no reason for him to spare the people Am has grown to love. The message is clear–pick up your duty as heir or lose everything.

Written by 

Pilot, geek, retired, happy, healthy, loves science/engineering and writing SciFi books!! 🤓

5 thoughts on “Got A New Story Hook!

  1. Its a crew much older than he is.* You don’t lead inanimate objects like a ship, you drive or fly a ship

      1. My pleasure. I just checked my email, saw yours and wanted to reply before I forgot to do so. Glad your book is back on track.

  2. As for your he vs. him question for Milk Run, I’have a couple of thoughts:
    1. “older than he” is more grammatically correct (as in “older than he is”) but it also sounds more stuffy and old-fashioned to my ear. Based on how people of all ages speak today, I believe it’s fine to break certain “rules” in some situations, so if you keep the current phrasing I’d go with “him”.
    2. The sentence in question is quite long, so I’d shorten it and paraphrase: But what Louis thought would be an easy first mission becomes an extraordinary test of his ability to lead a much older crew and ship against an enemy using his ex-fiancée to destroy the Princeton.

    1. Thanks Roger for your insights. Yes, certain “rules” can be bent if not broken given how modern language is changing.

      Finally, I’m always looking for ways to say more with less words. That approach reminds of my Wall Street corporate days when the phrase “do more with less” came into vogue.

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